I remember the day when I was able to drive, then walk for 10's of miles on a daily basis, when I could cope with camping at the top of mountains and in the centre of shaded and beautiful glens. The sunsets and sunrises both so refreshing, although we could have done without the surprise hale and snow storms that often stopped our walking days.
Now, a few decades on, my children have flown the nest and we just have one Grandchild in the area who cheers up the dullest of our days. But I guess it wont be long till pastures new call her away, then, I guess, we will be the last people on her list!
I remember, for years, being in control of everything, the bills, the cars, the house, the general daily running of the domestic scene and this you know wasn't that long ago.
But now I feel as if I have lost control, few seem to understand the effect this is having on me, it feels as if everything has been taken away from me, it's as if they think I am not capable and if given the chance to show them otherwise I am shouted down or told ' leave it, you can't do it any more' you'll make a mistake or the worst still, 'you're not fit enough any more'.
Perhaps prior to falling terminally ill and with the benefit of hindsight I should have shared that responsible role but I didn't, I thought I was doing right by protecting my family, which is after all, what I had been shown by my forefathers. But now I feel as if I am no more worthy than a piece of junk mail, or a clump of deteriorating broccoli that's been sitting in the fridge for far too long.
Few seem to respect me, few seem to acknowledge my existence, I have no where to escape to, I have no where to go as we had to downsize to a much smaller house, I used to walk but my legs don't carry me any more, I am suffocating in my chair with darkness surrounding me. With little to make me smile, apart from the little sparrow that lands on my windowsill, and little space given to make conversation without being talked over or shouted down or sometimes a threat of being sent to a home. No one seems to remember I had a past or that I was once respected, few people give me the time of day, instead, others make conversation and I rarely get my say. I often feel my life is not worth living, is this right? is it fair?
There are millions of people out there feeling like this, please make an 'olderly' person smile today, walk with them for a few moments, or stop and say hello if they are sitting out in their garden. Take time out to visit for you never know these wonderful people, filled with wisdom and courage my not be with us tomorrow.
On behalf of them, thank you.