So having realised that you are or could become a sufferer of this
In brief and focusing on ages but we are going to split this up in to three Groups.
But firstly we need to remember that each and every one of us has a heart and feelings, although some may not have had a chance to show their feelings before, but it is still important to remember that there is a heart at the core of us all where as there are others who have shown a massive soft side but perhaps at the wrong times and that there is also a chance that we have given these people too many excuses for their behaviour in the past.
We would all prefer to see the people who are inflicting discomfort on others to turn the corner and realise that such and such behaviour is just not acceptable or indeed fair and that better results can be experienced if their negative behaviour can be turned in to being positive.
Back to the Groups :
- If the potential Manipulator is between the age of 4 and 8 then this can be resolved in the home with support from additional family Members but it is important that the individual respects one person, this doesn't matter whether it is a Male or Female. But this has to be a genuine respect and not one that has been created through Bribery or Corruption. Natural interaction and role playing with some of Nature's own methods of coping with Bullying or Threatening behaviour can initiate an amazing positive character change, but this needs to be shared with someone who is on *'Nature's Level' and preferably on their own to start with or with a Member of the family in the back ground. Then at Session two with one of their family more involved and then continue to add other members of the family to these *Nature Sessions/Workshops as necessary.
- If the Manipulator is of the age of say 9 and 12 the same applies as for the 4 and 8 year old with regards family support but added to this you can get support through the Education System but one tool that is often not used but can trigger a massive positive change in a person is 'specific *'Natural silent training' using some of Natures Natural tools or utilising a *Natural interaction suitable for the Individual in question. A Member of the family can be present initially but preferably they need to be in the background to start with.
- If the Manipulator is aged between 12 and 16 the above still applies but the problem with this age group is they are much more rebellious and have already got the whiff of manipulating you or others. They are physically stronger and less likely to listen. If rebelliousness kicks in then usually a word from someone they respect works or role playing with their favoured hobby or game. Or if the worst comes to the worst Social Services or sometimes the Police end up having to step in .
- If the Manipulator is from the age of 16 upwards then they will have already had numerous years of psychologically 'working/milking you, the Education Department, their Employer and any one else, sadly to their own advantage. Their bodies will be stronger and they will probably have used their muscle mass already and wont be frightened to use it again. By this time you are not as strong as you used to be and can potentially become frightened of them resulting in 'the Abuser' realising that he/she can control you. This often results in you choosing for the easier option and giving in to them and on occasions, as an example, you buying anything they ask for. However, sadly this does not help them in the long term and feeds their sense of 'being in control' and of 'how to be in control' of almost any situation. This scenario is a difficult stage and barrier for any Parent or Grandparent to address resulting often with these feelings being even stronger.
- If things have got to this stage then the majority of times the only way it can be resolved is if the Abuser admits there is a problem and seeks the kind of help that is needed or if she/he is caught or evidence is held against them for the Abuse or physical damage carried out. If this happens then it is an extremely sad and pride hurting time because no one wants any of their family to be in trouble with the Police or the State, but sadly if they have got away with being in control of their situation for a number of years then rarely can their own family bring them back in to check, this is mainly because familiarity will have bred contempt by that time and in some cases both Parents don't want anything to do with their teenager child/young adult because of the way they have been controlled by them or by the lack of respect the Abuser has had for them as Adults.
- If the Abuser has got to this stage you may see some of the signs below:
- Sadly he/she will probably already have got involved with potentially a negative group of friends or perhaps if they are suffering so deeply they may not have any or many true friends.
- May almost hibernate in their rooms
- They may get up when you go to bed but expecting you to be alert enough to answer their question no matter the time of day
- Create huge tantrums out of a molehill
- Feel the world is against them
- Become paranoid
- Refuse to do even a simple task around the house/home
- Use any excuse to not do a simple request
- Refuse to do anything until it suits them
- Become paranoid about who you speak to
- Use Bribery and Corruption to get what they want i.e. If you buy the shoes or car tyres for me I'll do this for you
- Continually say 'yes' I'll do it tomorrow' but what ever it was never gets done
- Have a problem holding a job down
- Continue telling little lies
This latter stage is the most difficult stage and one that many Parents and Grandparents go through and is an exceptionally emotional one to resolve for all.
SO, in brief if you sense there is even a whiff of 'total control or mild control' in your young child, please, please, please, for the benefit of your elderly relation or yourself when you get older, try and bring them in to check now before it is too late. But try and bring them in to check by using an enjoyably technique suitable for their character and not one that they dread participating in.
The most important thing is that all Members of the family need to be singing from the same song sheet and not conflicting against each other, otherwise the potential Controller will play each Parent or Grandparent against each other - a negative situation to be in.
There is always a happy balance and if we can all find this then such issues will not occur. Although, admittingly this can be difficult to achieve especially if the 'Controller' is older. However there are ways around this.
Ultimately do we want everyone's lives to be like this
If you are in this situation, our hearts go out to you, remember you are not on your own, thousands of people are going through this as you read this, it is a known problem. Make sure you have someone to speak to, someone you wholeheartedly trust or a Doctor or if it is that serious and you are frightened have a quiet word with your Local Police Department - most of these Departments have a specific departments for this kind of an issue.
To be continued